You

I can’t feel the passing day,

I can’t tell whether this is true,

Living in this illusion,

 I’m thinking of you.

There’s always something in the way,

It was me, this time too,

And today I feel broken,

I’m losing you.

I found peace when I was confused,

I found hope to make it through,

Not in me,

But in you.

Sometimes I want to run away,

Sometimes I want to start anew,

But I can’t,

Not without you.

I close my eyes to peep inside my heart,

I look at the image beneath the scarlet hue,

It is still clear and beautiful,

And it's you.

Happy Valentine's Day

STARS!

There I was, lying on the grass, hands behind my head, thoughtlessly gazing into infinity. The dewy layer on the grass did not shine enough that winter night – it was moonless. The only sight that caught my attention that night was that of small dots of light, piercing through the nothingness of the bluish-black sky. “They are called Stars” – I said to myself. They did not speak, nor did they react to what I just said. All they did is – twinkle. And that brought a smile to my face. It was that night when my amazing fascination for these cosmic beings came to existence. I was six then.

As I grew up, so did my interest in the world beyond ours. As I learned more about the Universe, the first thought that struck me was – How infinitely big it is. The fact that I was a part of this limitless cosmos gave me a great sense of enormity – a strange sense of pride. There was a sense of excitement, when I thought about the places far away (really far away), which are still untouched, unexplored, unknown. And the embodiments of this fascinating idea of distance and obscurity were the Stars. These distant, innocent looking points of white light are actually, huge, intensely hot masses of gas and radioactive elements – home to the most explosive nuclear phenomena in the Universe - Fusion. ‘Outward appearances are surely deceptive’. Stars are majestic. Our own Sun is a middle-aged star. Millions of kilometers away from the earth, the Sun is the source of all heat and light on earth and all of the Solar System. This might give you an idea, of the amount of energy a star produces.

Like all creations of nature, stars also emerge from dust – space dust. Randomly scattered planetary dust and gases, are attracted towards each other under the action of Gravity, and under specific conditions and temperature, they form what we call a ‘protostar’ – the infant in Mother Nature’s womb. Along the course of billions of years, stars pass through different phases in their stellar lives (yellow dwarfs, red dwarfs, red giants, white dwarfs, neutron stars!) and exist for different lifetimes, depending on how massive they are. Just like humans, some stars just fade away into darkness, while others have spectacular deaths. When a sufficiently massive star uses up all its fuel for nuclear fusion, its constituent particles, start collapsing into each other under the effect of its own Gravity, resulting in the Supernova explosion – a burst of radiation that can outshine a galaxy, and produce as much energy as the Sun would produce in a lifetime. The remnant of a supernova is a Black Hole – an infinitely dense dark void in the cosmic fabric which attracts everything into itself, even light. Ironically, the same universal force of attraction is responsible for both the birth and the death of a star – Gravity.

But stars are much more than mysterious objects of Astronomy. We all want to ‘reach the stars’ or ‘be a star, a superstar!’. Stars have always been associated with success and recognition. They are thought of as the ultimate sign of glory. That is why stars hold immense importance in every culture, and are the symbol of the triumphant spirit of man.

For me, stars have a very personal meaning. They are a representation of all virtues and ideals I stand for. They relate to what I am and what I would want to be like in the future. Being as glorious and mighty as they are, stars appear to us as humble luminous specks across the night sky. They are physical embodiments of life energy, which they radiate through the entire Universe. But the virtue I define stars by is unending resolve. The light from the stars flickers and shimmers. It seems as if it fights a relentless battle against the darkness, and finally manages to pierce through, overcoming all odds.

Whenever I feel low, I look deep into the night sky and see the stars twinkling away shedding their light upon me. I have them, when I have no one else. What I feel at that moment is beyond expression. 

 

‘The Night Sky so infinite,
Where the beauty of contrast abounds,
 Stars are points of shimmering light,
Which cosmic darkness calmly surrounds.’

The Curve of life

NOTE: I wrote this essay, as an answer to an essay question in a university application .....

The chilly breeze, coming from the bordering sea, swept across the street in a uniform gust. This was perhaps the most well-known street in India – the Marine Drive, also known as the Queen’s Necklace. I was in Mumbai – the City of Dreams. It is the city which represents the diversity of India. The place where people from all religions, castes, and social classes, live each day, in relentless struggle to transform their dreams into reality. For the past few days, I had known this city only as my SAT Examination center. As I walked along, I pondered upon my reason for being here this evening. I soon realized there was none, except for my random fancy.

I had no idea about what I would see, hear or experience. Lazily passing the buildings that rose steeply from the ground, my eyes fell upon a child on the footpath playing with a spinning top. He spun it again and again, gazing at its dizzy motion, with curious eyes. It seemed like he was aware of nothing beyond the top. Little did he care about who or what passed him. The cars, the sea or the street, nothing interested him as much. At this moment, the swirling motion of the top was the most mysterious, enigmatic and fascinating phenomenon of the Universe for the kid. Such was his innocent curiosity.

As I moved along the curve bordering the extensive sea, I saw a procession of people approaching me from the opposite direction.  The parade consisted of a majority of youths, like me. They held banners in their hands, shouted slogans and the look on their faces expressed fierce determination – Much like the emotion of all Indian youths after the 26/11 Mumbai terrorist attacks. Their footsteps were bold, yet unsure. These were people who were experiencing life very closely, trying to figure out what occurrences meant – if they had any meaning. They yearned for security, stability and also unrestrained freedom. I could identify with their insecure yet passionate outcries.

As the voices of the procession, faded into the distance, a BMW-530i sped past me and came to a halt a few paces in front. A man stepped out of the car talking on his mobile phone. His corporate suit and the lines of anxiety on his forehead suggested that he was some rich businessman. Ironically, this sight reminded me of the beggar I had just passed a few moments ago, begging for alms from each and every pedestrian he could get hold of. He needed money to make arrangements for his family’s meal tonight. He had the same lines on his temple.

Moving forward on the street, I reached a construction site. The sound of machines drilling a hole into the earth, and hammers thumping against the steel bars, drowned the voices of a group of workers, relishing a break from work, perhaps discussing what their wives would have prepared for dinner tonight. There was nothing glorious about their life, yet there was an enviable sense of tranquility. As I was noticing the contrast between the grandeur of the unfinished building, and the unremarkable lives of the workers, I stumbled upon an old woman, who tripped over her own stick, only to land in the safety of my arms. As I helped her cross the street, she blessed me – her countenance revealing more helplessness, than thankfulness.

Seeing the sinking Sun, setting the sea ablaze, I realized that the evening was coming to an end. As I again turned my view, towards the street, I saw a group of men clad in white, reflecting the sanguine color of the sunrays. Four of them were carrying the dead on their shoulder. Amidst the sounds of mourning, what could be clearly heard were the chants of “Ram naam satya hai” – meaning ‘The Almighty is the only truth’. They turned into another street and disappeared from sight. I thought to myself, whether everything I had seen, heard and experienced this evening, was a disdainful lie, compared to the absolute truth of Death. We travel through the different phases of life (childhood, youth, middle age, old age), only to experience the same finale. Death is the ultimate leveler.

By the time I took the taxi back home, cosmic darkness had covered the sky, and it was night. Everything I had witnessed today, answered a few questions, but gave rise to many new doubts and dilemmas. But it further established my belief in the idea that – ‘it is not what you become in life that is important; it is how you live your existence that matters’. All our lives will come to the same conclusion. It is how we spend these cherished moments, which will make each one of us different from the others.

Free Fall

My arms,

Unbroken lines, splitting the air,

Yet not feeling its struggle,

Against my motion.

I am falling.

My eyes,

Calm and still,

Alleys of Blank Darkness,

Seeking nothing, yet finding it.

I am falling.

My feet,

Parted and independent,

To each its own flight,

Knowing of its own existence, for once.

I am falling.

My form,

Symbol of Rejection - the cross,

Descending parallel to the earth,

Disapproving authority, theirs or mine.

I am falling.

My-self,

These swift seconds,

Of union with the elements,

And of this cherished loneliness.

I am falling...
into my
peace of mind.

Helpless Hope

City streets, Piercing lights,
Raining needles,
Fictitous nights. Ignorant beings,
Walking past,
Meandering towards,
Their impartial last.

The descending river, Sounding loud,
Nostalgic notes,
Woven by the clouds.
Tearful heavens,
Starless sky,
Clothes soaking wet,
Hearts are dry.

Reckless Winds,
This binding chill,
Recursive Memories, Hold me still. Unknown alleys, Dark and deep,
Veiling the vague,
secrets they keep.
Lying down,
On the grass,
Glistening dew drops,
Reflecting the past.
Random images,
Regretful thoughts,
A few ' do's ' ,Many ' do not's '.
Silver Moonlight,
This dreamy dope,
Re-ignites,
My Helpless Hope.

Beauty

The Rose is so beautiful,
Divine,dewy,drops of blood on land,
Its immortalized fragrance so blissful,
Carried by the winds of passion and romance.

The eternal orb of tranquility,
Dancing around the earth on a heavenly tune,
Its serene visage, beans with beauty,
We call this ageless maiden - the Moon.

Cold drops of water from above,
Cleansing our soul, lessening our pain,
God's gift to mankind - the liquid of love,
The Epitome of Nature's kindness - the Rain.

The Night Sky so infinite,
Where the beauty of contrast abounds,
The Stars are points of shimmering light,
Which cosmic darkness calmly surrounds.

They are all Nature's artistic creations,
Seem so ephemeral yet so true,
But neither the heavens nor this mortal world,
Nothing is as beautiful as you ...

Bleeding Cry

This is so insane,
This blood running through my veins,
Crimson coloured streams,
Shouting out my pain.

As I let it out,
To leave me half-dead,
Its sanguin colour never shouts - 'pain' ,
Whispers - 'relief' - instead.

My eyes are devoid of sense now,
Yet I see your image through the haze,
A fleeting glimpse of wretched beauty,
You've left - your absence still stays.

I sense your echoing voice,
Whispering, what I want to hear,
As the clock of death, strikes the end of time,
And the edge of the cliff draws near.

Suddenly the agony seems lesser,
My restless being begins to wilt,
The soul begs to be free,
Chained by sorrow, Choked by guilt.

I feel those dewy lips,
Our last trembling kiss,
Those raging waves of passion,
That lasting touch of bliss.

The first time I held you,
Gripping you violently in my arms,
I lost my pride in the darkness of your eyes,
Taken prisoner to your ethereal charm.

I end here, I perish now,
I still cling on to you, as I die,
Each drop of my blood cries out my love,
Can you hear this Bleeding Cry?

Untitled

Don't look at me like that,

Your eyes say more that I understand,
They tell me more than I need to know,
These tearful waters reflect your heart,
Don't let these emotions grow.

Don't think of me like that,

I might be as fleeting as your thoughts,
Such immortal importance I do not deserve,
My misty presence floats through your mind,
Clear this mist! So sincerely you preserve ...

An Unusual Valentine's Day

O look how it rains,

This day of love brings pain,

My husband died yesterday,

He left me with no gains.

Shrewd he was I knew,

That lecherous miserly jew ,

Depriving me of all his money,

To undress the angels, he flew.

He was a rich man's son,

I was a pretty nun,

We met a decade ago,

That is when all this had begun.

He said he was about to die,

And my touch gave him a high,

He promised me all his penny,

And so I married this guy.

But all this was a lie,

For years, Death , he could defy,

At last , I decided to kill him,

And triumphed on my third try.

In his coffin he lay still,

As the lawyer read his will,

All he had left for me,

Was the unpaid laundry bill.

All the dollars he made,

All the money his gold mines weighed,

All his land and his wealth,

Everything went to the house-maid.

How I wish he was alive,

I'd drive his head into a bee-hive!

Penniless , he has left me,

And my children 4.5 .

In his grave he smiles away,

Mocking me, as if to say,

" Oh , my lovely wife,

Happy Valentine's day!"

O Brokenstar

I've been walking all night,

Staring at the Sky, I've come so far,

All I want to do tonight,

Is find you O Broken star.

I had seen you last night,

And expressed my wish to you,

As I woke up to the shining sun today,

I found my wish had come true.

You appeared across the sleeping sky,

Cutting through the dark night.

And left your mark between the stars,

Flying high and burning bright.

It is like only you knew,

What I want and what I feel,

I wish to tell you more about,

These dreams I still conceal.

But where are you now?

I've been searching all around,

I know these heavens hide you,

At a place you can't be found.

Is it this tranquil moon,

That conceals you from my sight,

Or is it that lofty mountain,

That hides from me your fiery flight.

You faded away last night,

And it has been lonely since then.

If I get to see you tonight,

I'd make a wish of meeting you again.

O broken star , My Broken star,

I hope you would return someday,

And when we meet again,

I won't let you fade away.